why do people only regret when something is lost? that's because they deeply realized what they are missing and they don't want it to happen. it's through this kind of incidents that makes you really go and reflect on what you've done, what you've said. only then will you realized the importance of the whole incident. having said that, i am nowhere better. i used to thought that i was doing the right thing all the time. but i was horribly wrong. i was plainly living in my own world doing the things i thought was right. i never open my eyes and see what was actually the right thing to do. i was blaming others but did i ever blame myself? i never, i didn't even bother to do any reflection when i was at fault.

when i had it, i didn't treasure. now it's gone, all i do was to rant here and said i really don't wanna be like this. has this got any use? will everything be the same? the blatant truth is, it won't. i can rant for all i want, maybe it will make me feel better but it won't change anything. people used to say, if you want something to happen, you must make it happen. if i want anything to change, i need to start to make it happen. right from now, a brand new year, a brand new start.

the first time i saw her, i had this unexplainable feeling that i am gonna know her, i am gonna be her friend and start from there. i managed to make the first move, managed to know her, managed to be her friend. i knew she's the one for me, no one else but her. well, after a period of time, managed to be with her. it was just so sweet in the start, we were like the birds in the sky, freely in love. but as time passes by, i start to take everything for granted. showing her my bad temper, my bad attitude. it was not once in a while thing but instead, it happened almost everyday. i knew i was in the wrong, i knew she was feeling bad yet i kept doing it. why? it's because when u had something, u just tend to abuse it, not knowing how important the thing was, how fragile it was. i won't blame others anymore, i know it's my fault. all these had to come to an end and eventually, she lost faith, confidence, trust in me. i don't blame her for that, instead i am the one to be blame for. i used to blame her for not treating me well enough but am i treating her well enough? i didn't had the rights to blame her when i am the one at fault yet i did. she said all she need was time, it was so simple. time is abundant in the world, but did i ever give her any time? all i did was to rush her into doing the things that i want her to do. it takes two hands to clap, she did tried to do what i want but did i give her enough time? i never, all i did was to pressurized her. she did make an improvement for me but i act as if i never see it. it was my pride at work. me and my manhood ego makes me lost something dearly in my heart.

after the countless lectures that all my friends had given me, i know what i should do. it was like having cold water splashed on your face, making you wake up from everything. i need to keep my temper in check, i need to better my attitude, i need to be patience, i need to be careful with my words, i need to change. now when everything seems lost, i won't give up on myself. i will prove to everyone that i really will change. i want her back beside my just like before, i want her to care for my just like before, i want her to be my dearest again. i know the road is long and hard, i don't even know whether i can achieve my target but i will try. there's the saying, as long as you don't give up, there will be hope. i firmly believed that as long as i don't give up, i can make it.

i know you won't see this post but i want to say something to you. when i had you, i didn't know how to treasure. i thought love would come easily but i never knew that it goes as easily too. i never make an effort to treasure you, all i did was to make you sad, make you cry. i know when we first started, i told you i would take good care of you, never to let anyone bully you. yet i am the one who is bullying you. i know i am in the wrong and i deeply regret. i know that during this period of time, you weren't happy at all but you never show it to me. all you wanted was to see me happy, that would make you happy too. i am sorry, instead of giving you a happy face, i gave you attitude almost everyday. you never wanted to give up one me, it's just that this time, you are really tired. your faith is lost, your confidence is gone. this time, it's worst than the last time you've been hurt by your previous relationship. i know, no matter what i do, the scar would still be there. but i promise i will do everything i can to amend my mistake. i will prove to you, i am changing into a better man. i know talk is cheap and i did say i will prove to you before, but this time, it's more real than ever. i know what i really want and that's you. i have an aim in my mind and i will really work towards it. no matter whether we can be back together or not, all i want to say is in my heart, it's you that filled it all. the next time we meet, it will be a brand new me. =)